A child's mindless rattle

A tooth-less rattle

Thursday, August 25, 2005
1:55 AM

it's 2 in the morning, and I can't get to bed. A lot of things on my mind, half of which was what she said. Today's one of those days that we hardly talked. Maybe that's why I'm so insecure. Less time spent = more time away = more insecure?

i don't know.

wish i could get a hug from her now. the cure to all things.

[addons]

In the end, I didn't sleep the whole morning. Got into a fight with mom after I logged off. Can I called it a fight since it's a one way communication? I didn't yell at her, all I did was pretend that I tuned her out. What she said was nasty.. but eventually together with what was happening between pearl and i.. i couldn't take the stress.

last night was the first night i cried, hoping to fall asleep while cying since the may 12th. The whole familiar feeling came back and.. the only thing that kept me warm was my happy food. I was so very tempted to call her in the middle of the night and start crying with her on the phone and say nothing. I didn't, because I know we'll end up fighting somemore.

I'm starting to wonder if it's me. Perhaps school and work isn't stressful at all. Perhaps, after giving my all to a relationship, it's still not enough.

I watched the sun rise this morning. It didn't make me smile. There's this very dull lingering pain somewhere in my heart. I wonder if it's normal. I wonder if pearl's feeling the same. We never fought this bad before. All these fighting made me realize that sometimes, your other half isn't the one who'll know everything. There are some stuff, that you just don't share with your other half. it's a good way to remind me, to not foolishly believe in what i believe.

i can't keep my eyes open anymore. They're giving me a headache. mom and pearl's giving me a heart ache. Will it seem weak if i say, I can't take all these stress?

The End!